Dear David,
Thanks for your own heartfelt page. Despite your “great soldier” tone, i will inform that is a very distressing problem obtainable. You are reaching out to resolve this problem, and that I believe that relating to eHarmony’s solution, we can control it.

You will not be surprised to find out that photographs have given all of us a great deal to remember. In the end, we feel that area of the challenge with traditional relationship would be that individuals make choices dependent largely on appearance. eHarmony was designed to help individuals create better relationships by picking their particular partners much more wisely, which indicates deemphasizing the part in the real in creating that choice.

But while doing so, i will be a large proponent of chemistry in an union. We seriously genuinely believe that if a couple cannot discuss a fairly considerable sense of chemistry, the connection will not be pleasing in the end.

Where do these views allow us?

1st, David, i could practically guarantee you that most ladies will never be put off by your look. There are expectations of charm inside our community for males and females, but there is minimal predicting exactly what a specific person may find appealing. You do not need every woman in eHarmony locate you appealing – just a few.

If you find yourself comfortable doing so, i will suggest which you reveal the picture from start of your communication process, and I’ll inform you why. In the event it was your experience that most females close the match after seeing your own photograph, you wish to go that occasion upwards along the way. You dont want to waste time learning somebody who is not more comfortable with how you look. By showing the photograph at the beginning, fits who will ben’t drawn to you are able to shut you immediately, and you should stay away from any relationship together. When you start the first rounded of interaction with somebody, you know they own accepted your appearance.

Today, you may ask, “But Dr. Warren, isn’t really that providing in the people who are generating judgments according to appearance?” Possibly, but I do not think so. In your distinctive situation we are trying to choose the people who aren’t producing a judgment on that criterion. If everything is as you describe all of them, a woman just who moves ahead along with you has made a decision that your particular appearance is actually much less vital than or equally important to another situations she is aware of you.

Will it generate me sad that some women would close you considering nothing more than your face? Completely! And while i am aware that each and every person wants and has a right to be interested in the individual they marry, I additionally realize after you analyze you from within you may perceive his / her appearance in different ways.

And so I would wish to state this to all or any the individuals who can visit your photo: If there’s one class we have discovered from your effective lovers – the individuals whom came across on eHarmony and married – it really is that lots of instances your own soul mate actually is an individual from outside the “rut.” Your comfort zone is that imaginary border you develop concerning location, top, profession, physical appearance, etc.

Drawing strict guidelines about whom you’re ready to give consideration to may mean that you lose out on an individual who can practically replace your life into something more content, rewarding and gratifying than you actually may have predicted.

Best of luck, David, in your eHarmony experience, and hold us informed on your own development.

I wish you the very best,
Dr. Neil Clark Warren